In the spirit of commercializing holidays, I’ve rounded up some cray-cray gadgets that will change your life. These gifts strike the perfect balance between WTF and awesome. You will be revered amongst friends and family as a cutting-edge gift buyer. So get prepared for hero worship.
BACtrack Personal Breathalyzer. Now you can instantly determine whether it’s legal for you to drive home from that party or not! These would make really great party favors at bachelorette parties, baby showers, etc.
Brinno Digital Peephole Viewer. The jury is still out on whether this is helpful or creepy. No word on whether it works in reverse, but remember, the guy who stalked Erin Andrews was sentenced to two years in prison.
Portable Fishbowl. I don’t think this is actually available for purchase yet, but what a shame, because OMG HOW COOL! Now you and Denzel Fishington will never have to be apart. (What? I thought that was a kick-ass fish name.)
Massage-Me Jacket. This is mind-blowing for two reasons: first, it’s the best thing to happen to partners of people who are obsessed with video games since … ever and, second, it’s actually a step-by-step for how to make it yourself. My little crafty heart has grown three times this day.
LED Umbrella. At first I put this on the list because, hey, lightsaber! But then I realized—how many times am I walking in the rain in the dark and fumbling to find car keys? Now you can ward off attackers AND see where you’re going.
Play-Doh Cologne Spray. This isn’t technically a gadget, but when you smell like childhood itself, the rules can be bent. And since this is NTIG, I’d like to also point you in the direction of the paperback-book scented version.
Drivemocion. The smiley-face just makes me feel happier, ya know? This is the standard version, but there’s a newer one that lets you choose the message. I’m sure we can all think of several things we’d like to say to our fellow drivers…like “Call me maybe?” and “Cheerio!” and “BITCH, I WILL CUT YOU.”
Electronic Bubble Wrap. This nifty device has the added bonus of being super-annoying to everyone around you. And, every 100th “pop” is a surprise sound! Spread the love this holiday and give electronic bubble wrap keychains to all your friends’ kids.
USB Pole Dancer. I admit her face is a little weird, but I’m assuming that’s been done on purpose to be more “realistic.” I would probably not recommend this device for any kind of serious office environment, but at home? Talk about entertaining.
Foot Tanner. I know what you’re thinking—why would I need to tan only my feet? Well, I don’t know why, but if you do, then this is the device for you. But don’t listen to me; listen to this testimonial from the web site: “I love hearing my friends talk about my tan feet.” Hey, Louise P. from Fort Worth? You have really creepy friends. Run away. Run far, far away.
Laser Projection Virtual Keyboard. Now you can feel like you’re living in the future without actually having to time-travel at all. Let’s all take a moment to geek out and wax philosophical about the strides modern technology has made. And then let’s put these on the ol’ wishlist because, boy howdy, they are pricey.
What crazy gadgets are on your holiday wishlist? Let us know in the comments.
You can contact Krista, the author of this post, at firstname.lastname@example.org.