What Guys Should Know about “The Approach”

I’m guessing that the two hardest things about being a guy are spontaneous boners and girlfriend recruitment (double whammy if both happen at the same time). But since I’m not quite sure how to address the former, let’s focus on the latter. Approaching a stranger without seeming like a douche must be tough. And since I take pity on 90% of the guys who fail at their attempts, I’ve decided to give everyone a rundown of what works and what absolutely doesn’t:

Speak only when you actually have something to say. “You girls are, like, cultured.” “Do you girls have, like, boyfriends?” “What color are your eyes?” These are a few real-life examples of what not to say, unless you know how to pull it off. After your subject laughs a little, there’s really no easy way to continue the “conversation” you started. Instead, talk to the girl waiting in line at the bar about which drink she’s getting, and feel free to quote something in this video.  Or, you know, go with the eyes bit and hope for the best.

Think twice before you buy drinks for her and all of her friends. This is a nice gesture, but you’ll probably leave with nothing more than a large bar tab at the end of the night. Save the drink card for her, and only her, after you feel a connection.

Don’t approach if she’s with other guys. Sure, this seems obvious, but there’s always a handful of courageous douches who give it a shot anyway. While this helps the girl in the situation seem more desirable to the surrounding men, it doesn’t help the courageous douche.

Make an impression and then leave. Even if he’s cool, nothing is more annoying than a smothering guy. Leave for a little, and give her a chance to miss you. This is an effective tool as long as you reconnect later. Use your time apart to go to the bathroom, buy a round of drinks for your friends, etc. But, during this time …

Don’t let her see you approaching other girls. You might see this as playing hard to get, but we see it as being sleazy. And, anyway, is it really that difficult to keep it to one prospect per night?

Stay in touch. This is where a lot of guys go wrong. After you nail the approach, you have to sustain the momentum. STAY CONSISTENT. If you’re truly interested, text her throughout the week. As the weekend approaches, make plans, and then follow through with those plans. It’s really that simple.

Girls, what are some of your tips for being approached? Let us know in the comments!

You can contact Liz, the author of this post, at Liz@nottheitgirls.com

3 thoughts on “What Guys Should Know about “The Approach”

  1. Do not try to talk to me at the gym. Especially do not talk to me if I am actively doing something. If you must talk to me, approach only after I have showered.

    • Oh, that’s a good one! Still, I’d argue that the gym is one of the best places to meet people. I don’t know about you, but my life basically takes place in the office, bars, and, very occasionally, the gym. As long as they’re not weird about it, guys should be able to approach girls there. Repeat: as long as they’re not weird about it.

      • Agreed, I think what I was really referring to were the men at my gym who seem to think that the only reason that women are there is to pick up men. It seems to me that the majority of gym-approachers like the stare blatantly or the strike up a conversation on the next treadmill (while I have headphones in) approach.

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