It pains me to say that, at 24 years old, I’m starting to feel elderly. I hate eating dinner later than sundown, loud teens upset me, and, most importantly, my tolerance for alcohol has completely diminished. While I’ve always been a lightweight, it seems like the mornings-after have never been quite so horrendous.
It’s only taken me a few failed attempts to realize that I need to take it down a notch when I’m drinking. I’ve compiled a checklist for all of you who are on my booze-intolerant level. Get ready to thank me tomorrow morning:
Close your eyes. Stop drinking if the room moves.
Halt your booze intake if the sloppy drunk girl doesn’t seem that messy. It means you’re worse.
Do you think this man is attractive? Stop. You’re hammered.
When strangers start chanting your name, it doesn’t mean you’re popular. It means you’re drunk. Cut yourself off.
If you think you need to call your ex-boyfriend in regards to the DJ’s song choice, 1. Put down your phone, and 2. Put down your drink.
Did you just start to think your super annoying coworker is actually kind of cool? Because she’s not. You’re just drunk. And you need to stop drinking.
Switch to water if more than one person calls you a nickname you don’t quite understand.
What’s that? A loud buzzing sound when you’re far from the speakers? Stop drinking.
Ditch your drink if someone asks for your name and you say “24.”
Did you just meet “The One?” You didn’t. Count yourself out of the next round of shots.
If it sounds like everyone you know is suddenly speaking a different language, don’t try to respond in Spanish. Just stop drinking.
What are your tips for an easier morning? Let us know in the comments!
You can contact Liz, the author of this post, at firstname.lastname@example.org